I am new to the blogosphere, and I am SO excited to be posting about something near and dear to my heart.
I’ll just cut right to it: I’m FAT! I have struggled with carrying a bit of extra weight since I was in elementary school, and always had a lingering feeling that because I didn’t look like the pretty and skinny girls, I wasn’t pretty. Throughout middle school and high school, I continued to struggle with weight loss and gain. I resorted to periodically starving myself, and throwing up food. I was diagnosed as an anorexic, and a bulimic, at 15 years old. This was the same time my parents found out I had been cutting myself. I had the logic that if I could collateralize my emotional pain for a physical pain, I wouldn’t have to deal with my actual emotions. After being linked with an AMAZING therapist who was able to teach me how to properly handle my emotions, I finished out high school healthy and happy. My family was one of the best support systems, and they truly helped me overcome most of my deep insecurities. However, I still had body image issues, and struggled with only feeling pretty if someone else said I was… Usually a boy.
In college, I tried to stay in shape, but the “Freshman Fifteen” (the mythical fifteen pounds you gain in your first year of college) turned into the additional 60 pounds I put on. I still struggled with my body, but I slowly grew into an attitude that blamed media and advertising for my insecurities instead of blaming myself.
So now, in March of 2015, I am 21 years old. I weigh 268 pounds. I have E-cup breasts, cellulite, a double chin, “flabby arms,” a large booty, and discoloration on the inside of my large thighs where they rub together. I am, for all intents and purposes, FAT.
Here’s my issue, though. The only reason the word, “FAT,” has a negative connotation is because it has been laced, draped, and colored with negativity over the years. FAT has become a seemingly synonymous word for disgusting, nasty, lazy, lacking respect, and so many other negative things.
FAT is technically defined as, “n. a natural oily or greasy substance occurring in animal bodies, especially when deposited as a layer under the skin or around certain organs.” Another definition for FAT is, “adj. (of a person or animal) having a large amount of excess flesh.” Synonyms include, but are not limited to, “plump, stout, overweight, large, chubby, portly, paunchy, pot-bellied, beer-bellied, meaty, of ample proportions, heavyset, etc.”
FAT is not a negative description when plainly read. FAT is an observation; an adjective. FAT is a substance; a noun. How did we ever get to a point in society where FAT is offensive, instead of descriptive? Some argue that the word itself doesn’t sound appealing, but I argue that the way people say the word isn’t appealing.
I could go on and on for days about the beauty standards throughout history compared to now, or how society seems to view women (and men!) as paper dolls to cut and paste in any way that’s “more attractive” or “more fit.”
Let me tell you this: that is exactly why I started this blog!
I plan to go on for days about beauty standards, my journey, others’ journeys, and so much more. I chose this because it took me almost my entire lifetime to finally be comfortable in my body. Now that I am, I just want every other young lady who is struggling to know she isn’t alone. If no one else, I HAVE BEEN THERE! I had the nightly rituals of picking at myself in the mirror, and the daily activity of putting myself down for sport. I am well versed in the ways of pushing people away who cared about me because I felt I wasn’t good enough to be in their lives. I was my own body shamer, and I bullied myself harder, better, and more than anyone else ever did.
However, my journey was not in vain. I am proud to be FAT. My fiance loves my FAT body. My friends love me, no matter how FAT I am. And finally, I love MYSELF no matter how FAT I am.
I can’t wait to build on this blog, and truly make it my own project. I am more than just my FAT. I am so much more, and I am ready to step into the light, lovehandles and all, standing proud and FAT in the face of judgement and criticism.
Forget their beauty standards. If beauty only came in one shape, size or color, we’d all look the same.
Ta ta for now,
Fat Misfit ♥